The Unbearable Weight of Staying

i don’t know when love became elusive
what i know, is that no one i know has it
my fathers arms around my mothers neck
fruit too ripe to eat, a door half way open
when your name is a just a hand i can never hold
everything i have ever believed in, becomes magic.

i think of lovers as trees, growing to and 
from one another searching for the same light, 
my mothers laughter in a dark room,
a photograph greying under my touch, 
this is all i know how to do, carry loss around until
i begin to resemble every bad memory, 
every terrible fear,
every nightmare anyone has ever had. 

i ask did you ever love me?
you say of course, of course so quickly
that you sound like someone else
i ask are you made of steel? are you made of iron?
you cry on the phone, my stomach hurts

i let you leave, i need someone who knows how to stay.

by Warsan Shire